You know what I want?
Two whole days completely dedicated to one thing, and one thing only - Sleep.
I'm not a girl who really needs a whole lot of sleep. Give me five hours and I'll run for two days... but the thing is, life has been really draining these past few months. Just waking up every morning and forcing myself to be active in school is tiring, and I have no idea why.
It's not like I don't want to be active, it's just that something, some invisible force is somehow managing to weigh me down and tire me. I've been ignoring it for quite a while, but I just can't anymore. I'm tired.
Actually, no. "Tired" is an understatement. I'm exhausted. Running on empty.
Tuesday, February 14
Tuesday, February 7
Lost and Looking
Sometimes we don't really know where we're going.
It's natural, really. I don't think I can think of a single person who, at some point in their life, hasn't gotten a little lost. It happens to even the best of us.
It's just the way life is, I guess.I mean, how unfair would it be if there was one single person out there in the world who always knew what they were doing? It would probably result in some kind of disastrous karmic imbalance in the universe. Funny how it took an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and my little brother's emotional distress for me to figure this out.
I recently discovered that my little brother is currently going through something that I've been going through for a few years myself. He's unsure. He's uncertain. He has absolutely no clue what his future is going to be like and it's scaring him. Honestly, I don't really blame him for being scared. It's horrifying, not knowing what the future holds.
Of course, I may be projecting my own worries into my analysis of his situation and that's not what he's feeling at all. But anyway, the point remains the same. Everyone gets a little lost sometimes.
I have been lost for about three years now. I used to think that I had my whole future planned out. That everything was going to work out the way I'd mapped it in my head, and everything would be peachy keen. Boy, was I ever wrong.
Because, here's the rub; things never work out the way you plan them to.
I know, I know. Alert the media. I discovered something that virtually everyone already knew. But knowing something doesn't necessarily mean that people truly let it sink in. I think on some level, I've known this all along, but I just didn't really grasp it kicked me in the face and forced me to understand it.
And I'm finally starting to. Understand it, I mean. Sure, I may not have everything all worked out, but I'm finding my way, aren't I? I've still got time to find out which road I want to take. What I want to do with my life. And yeah, I know the decisions I'll have to make won't be easy. I know it'll take a lot of work to get me where I want to go, but you know what? It's okay.
Because even if I get lost again, it only means that there's a lot more roads for me to pick. And I'm the only one who can decide which one. At my own pace, in my own time.
And when you look at it that way, maybe being lost isn't such a bad thing...
It's natural, really. I don't think I can think of a single person who, at some point in their life, hasn't gotten a little lost. It happens to even the best of us.
It's just the way life is, I guess.I mean, how unfair would it be if there was one single person out there in the world who always knew what they were doing? It would probably result in some kind of disastrous karmic imbalance in the universe. Funny how it took an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and my little brother's emotional distress for me to figure this out.
I recently discovered that my little brother is currently going through something that I've been going through for a few years myself. He's unsure. He's uncertain. He has absolutely no clue what his future is going to be like and it's scaring him. Honestly, I don't really blame him for being scared. It's horrifying, not knowing what the future holds.
Of course, I may be projecting my own worries into my analysis of his situation and that's not what he's feeling at all. But anyway, the point remains the same. Everyone gets a little lost sometimes.
I have been lost for about three years now. I used to think that I had my whole future planned out. That everything was going to work out the way I'd mapped it in my head, and everything would be peachy keen. Boy, was I ever wrong.
Because, here's the rub; things never work out the way you plan them to.
I know, I know. Alert the media. I discovered something that virtually everyone already knew. But knowing something doesn't necessarily mean that people truly let it sink in. I think on some level, I've known this all along, but I just didn't really grasp it kicked me in the face and forced me to understand it.
And I'm finally starting to. Understand it, I mean. Sure, I may not have everything all worked out, but I'm finding my way, aren't I? I've still got time to find out which road I want to take. What I want to do with my life. And yeah, I know the decisions I'll have to make won't be easy. I know it'll take a lot of work to get me where I want to go, but you know what? It's okay.
Because even if I get lost again, it only means that there's a lot more roads for me to pick. And I'm the only one who can decide which one. At my own pace, in my own time.
And when you look at it that way, maybe being lost isn't such a bad thing...
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