The moon dips shyly behind a soft tuft of cloud, casting a faint, muted glow over the treetops. Behind me, fingers of a cold breeze gently caress my back, slowly lifting a lock of my blonde hair off my shoulder. In the pale light of the moon, my hair looks drained of all color. White. Monochrome.
I shiver against the cold night air, but ignore the urge to turn back and go back home. I'd rather freeze here on the open trail than go home right now. I can't. Won't. Especially after the things he said to me.
I feel tremors of anger creep up my arm, and my fist jerks involuntarily. Just like that, with just one thought, all the anger I've spent the past half an hour walking off comes slamming back. I have no disillusions about my place in the pack. I'm a half-breed; I'm a soldier. I've accepted that that's all I'll ever be and quite frankly, I like it this way. What hasn't been easy for me to accept is our new igetia, Caedan - and that's only because we've been friends for a long time. I'm not one for taking orders, even less so when my friends are the ones issuing them.
Our previous igetia, - the closest human translation of the term would be either "leader" or "alpha" - used to call me the agrio of the pack. I still don't know what the word means; Caedan's father died before I had the chance to ask. Lhea used to insist that the word means "troublemaker", but I know she was just making assumptions as usual.
Thinking her name sends another tremor of anger through my body. I leap off the rock into the grassy forest floor and break into a run, as if running can actually put distance between that name and the memories attached to them. Lhea is one of the reasons I'm so furious with Caedan. I'd been out of line when I'd questioned his orders - I know that. And maybe I would be fine right now if he had known where to draw the line when he chewed me out for my back-talking. I got yelled at a lot. Especially by him. I was used to it. But he'd pushed me too far by blaming me for my twin sister's death.
I think he knew it, too. The moment the words has left his mouth, I'd seen a flash of regret and pain in his eyes. But that didn't matter to me. I'd whipped around on my heels and run out of the cabin, and I hadn't stopped for anyone who called my name. They could track me, but everyone in my pack knew better than to come after me when I was in a mood. The only people who would have even dared were Lhea and Caedan - one is dead, and the other is the person whom my anger is directed at. I'm safe for the moment. But he'll send someone after me eventually.
He's too smart to come himself. Just as well, I might rip his head off if he does.
I run for almost a mile, leaping over protruding roots and wandering rodents, and stop only when I reach the cliff at the edge of the valley. I've retreated to this spot many times since I was a pup. Surrounded by tall, protective firs, this one spot at the edge of the cliff offers a brilliant view of the valley below, where my pack lives. And, if you sit in the right place and look in the right angle, you'll be able to see the faint lights of the city just along the horizon. Two different worlds, so close and yet so far away. It used to fascinate me as a child. Lhea and I would always sneak away from the pack and escape here. To think mostly. Sometimes we would talk about our future. Sometimes we would just sit here and watch our people ramble about in the village.
"Winnie the Pooh has his thinking spot, and we have our cliff." She always used to say.
Weary, I drop unceremoniously onto the edge of the cliff, my legs dangling freely over the side. It's only now that I allow myself to think about Lhea.
We were young, when it happened. Just a few months shy of of our nineteenth birthdays; when Caedan's father was still our igetia. It was raining that night. I still remember the way the fat drops of water pelted our fur as we ran through the forest, playing. Mom had forbidden us from leaving the cabin, but we'd gone any way; sneaking out in the middle of the night after Mom and Dad had fallen asleep. Lhea hadn't been too keen on the idea, but I convinced her to join me. "Where's your sense of fun, Lhea?" I'd asked. "We won't get caught, trust me." It took a while, but she eventually came along with me.
It happened just as we were about to turn back and go home. We'd played in the rain for about an hour, running and hunting, getting our fill of much-needed exercise and Lhea was getting tired. So after much begging and pleading, I finally relented and agreed to go back home. Everything that happened after that is still a blur to me. I remember gunshots and yells. I remember leaping in front of Lhea when the hunter aimed his gun at her. I remember the blur of black fur over my head as Khayl tackled the hunter. I remember having the wind knocked out of me as a hefty man fell on top of me as Caedan tried to pin him down. I remember seeing the flash of orange light as one of the hunters opened fire. And most vividly of all, I remember the heartbreaking howl that ripped out of my throat as I watched my sister fall to the forest floor, bleeding.
A sob erupts from my throat and I try to choke it down. It doesn't work. Soon, I'm sobbing furiously, not bothering to keep my voice down. No one can hear me, no one can see me. Why should I hide my tears? I'm allowed to grieve for my sister, aren't I?
"Your recklessness and your inability to listen when you're told something is what got Lhea killed."
I'm angry at Caedan. Furious. He could have said anything to me; anything but this. He didn't have to push me this far. I've had a over a year to process what happened that night, to plow through my emotions and then lock them up in a jar and toss it the the farthest reaches of my mind. I've not thought about that night in a long time. So why tonight? How did one simple sentence land me here, sobbing violently at the edge of a cliff?
It doesn't take long for the answer to come. Caedan's words affected me this much for one reason and one reason only. They're true.
It is my fault that Lhea's dead. I just never wanted to admit it.
_____________________________________________________________
Alright, so this is a little something I came up with last week which I may or may not be continuing.
I was toying with the idea of turning this into a full book, but I've put a pin on the idea for the moment. I've got three books I'm working on currently (Toxic Snow, SoTR, and ISTC) and really don't have the time or the energy to take on a new one at the moment. Maybe I will actually continue with this. Not right now, though.
Anyways, let me know what you guys think. As always, constructive criticism is always welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment